


Boundaries Broken

by samariumwriting



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21792247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting/pseuds/samariumwriting
Summary: Felix protecting Dimitri is a job. A role he was always going to fill, in some capacity. Because of that, he absolutely cannot cross those professional boundaries, even if he wants that more than anything.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 17
Kudos: 124
Collections: 2019 Dimilix Holiday Exchange





	Boundaries Broken

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amuk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/gifts).



> This is my gift as part of the Dimilix gift exchange, with the prompt 'AU-verse: there were boundaries bodyguards weren't supposed to cross with their employers'  
> I hope you enjoy it!! It was a fun idea to play with

When Felix was ten years old, he was chastised by his father at Dimitri’s eleventh birthday party.

He understood why; he was Dimitri’s shield (at this point, more like a third pair of eyes, because he was still little and there was only so much someone like him could do to protect him), not his companion. He wasn’t meant to be close to Dimitri, not like that. He wasn’t meant to run to him, smiling and laughing, and grab his hand in front of so many people.

It was unprofessional, and Dimitri was getting older now. He had no need for people who couldn’t do their jobs, especially not crybabies who improved slowly like Felix. Felix was a spare, a useful but unnecessary assistant to Glenn. He could not breach the boundaries set up by precedent.

So Felix withdrew, just a little, because he didn’t think he could bear losing Dimitri. He didn’t think his father would be able to withstand the shame of his son being discharged from a position that had been handed to him at birth. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone; at least not more than he already had as the younger, more sensitive son.

He withdrew, and changed from the role of running interference on the ground, always knowing exactly where Dimitri was and who was around him, to watching from afar. It would be better that way, his father said. There would be fewer dangers to both of them if Dimitri stayed far away from Felix. It was easier to protect someone you cared for only strategically, through duty.

His father could do nothing but hammer than home when he failed in his own role. His job, his purpose, everything, was meant to have been dedicated to the survival of Dimitri’s father. Yet one afternoon, one slip in the defences, the wrong place and the wrong time...all of his father’s efforts were for nothing. And Glenn was gone.

His father told him that Glenn’s death was admirable. That it was exactly what Felix should have done, had he been there to protect Dimitri. But seeing Dimitri now, shattered and afraid, Felix knew that being an unthinking shield wasn’t good enough. Throwing yourself in front of an attack meant for another did nothing, nothing at all.

All it left was Dimitri, ever more alone, and Felix, who wasn’t allowed to get close.

So he watched from a distance, because what else could he do? Aged ten, his father had told him he should never break that boundary. Now, Felix was the only successor to his father’s role in protecting the Blaiddyds. He couldn’t afford to be the slightly inferior younger brother, full of emotion and light that Dimitri loved but could not be protected by.

Protecting the Blaiddyd family was a job, and by thirteen Felix was the only candidate. If he breached the professional boundaries sealed in contract so many generations before, no one would be there to protect Dimitri, and that was far worse than any of the pain he felt, having to hold himself aloof.

He knew it hurt Dimitri. How could he not? He’d grown up alongside him, watched him as he grew. He knew everything about Dimitri. He knew the slope of Dimitri’s collar bones, the brightness of his smile, the dimples that accompanied the grin that no longer reached the bright blue of his eyes.

At thirteen, Felix knew there were boundaries he could not cross. If he crossed them, failing would be more likely to occur. If he crossed them, failing would hurt more. At thirteen, he also knew that he wanted nothing more than to be able to cross those boundaries.

He wanted, more deeply than he wanted to hit his father, more deeply than he wanted to apologise for all the things he said, more deeply than he wanted Glenn to come back from the dead and smile and joke and say it was fine that Felix was just a bit of a baby because that was why he had an older brother-

Felix wanted, more than any of those things, to be able to take Dimitri in his arms and tell him everything he thought. Every word that crossed his mind. He didn’t want to be Dimitri’s shield, he didn’t want to be a professional, detached bodyguard. He wanted Dimitri. Because at thirteen, Felix realised that being professional and being in love could not go together.

So his life was filled with unfulfilled desires. For years, he watched Dimitri from across the room. If he was lucky, the occasion would call for them to stand close enough to touch (though they never would. Felix made sure of that, because who knew who was watching?) or at least to hear each other when speaking in the low, urgent tone often demanded by situations where Dimitri was almost constantly in danger.

Sometimes, while Felix watched Dimitri, their eyes would meet. It was in those moments that Felix feared most for the boundaries he’d carefully set between them; Dimitri would look away, and if the lights weren’t too low, Felix would see a blush dust over his cheekbones. Sometimes, he’d shoot Felix a knowing smile. A sad smile. A smile that filled Felix with longing for something he could never, ever have.

At the end of a day, Dimitri and him always repeated the same dance. Dimitri, his back to Felix, silhouetted by the dim light in his apartment. “Thank you, Felix,” he said.

“I’ve told you before,” he replied. “It’s my job. I don’t do it for a thank you.” He thought he would probably miss the thank you if Dimitri stopped saying it, but he wouldn’t know; he said it every night.

“Why do you do it, then?” Dimitri asked, turning to face him.

Felix did it because he wanted nothing more than to see Dimitri safe. Because he couldn’t bear to see someone else die on his watch. “Because it’s my job.” Because he loved him. Because he’d known he was in love with Dimitri for close to a decade and he couldn’t lose him. Even if that meant never having him to begin with.

And then, to end off the dance, Dimitri smiled a sad looking smile. “Of course,” he said. “Goodnight Felix. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Dimitri,” he said in reply, not letting his expression change. And then Dimitri closed the door, just like he did every night. The moment passed, and Felix went to bed, ready to start it all again the next day.

That was, until the day that one of the dancers in the swirling crowd made a misstep. A man had died, months before, for a crime he had probably committed. That wasn’t the issue. It wasn’t someone Felix had even really remembered. But then...the man had a younger sister. She, for whatever reason, blamed Dimitri.

Felix had been looking at the other door. He was across the room when it happened. And in an instant, in barely a moment, his father was on the floor. When Felix wasn’t looking. Because Felix always had been the less attentive of the Fraldarius guards. Always the second pair of eyes and never truly the shield.

Whether or not his father would have been proud of what Felix did next was probably irrelevant. What mattered was that the girl died that same night and Dimitri made it safe and away from everyone in that room who may have wanted to harm him. What mattered was that his father was dead, and never coming back. What mattered was that Dimitri was alive.

When Felix was ten, he had been made incredibly aware that there were boundaries between him and Dimitri. Boundaries of professionalism. Boundaries of precedent. Difficult barriers that neither of them knew quite how to scale, especially when the world was still watching.

When the police report had been filed, when reporters had been dealt with, when Felix’s father had been identified and confirmed dead, Felix walked with Dimitri back to his apartment. And there Dimitri stood, at the threshold, sillhoueted by the dim light. He looked tired. Felix imagined he looked the same himself, because he felt exhausted and empty to the depths of his bones.

“Thank you, Felix,” he said. Dimitri’s eyes were filled with an emotion Felix didn’t want to think too much about. He was used to keeping his distance. Used to ignoring what was plainly there. Used to watching Dimitri with the tiniest veneer of disdain at how emotional he could be.

“I don’t do it for a thank you,” he said.

Dimitri sighed. “Tonight truly has been thankless for you,” he said. He’d apologised so many times tonight. Felix had ignored each one. His father would not want his job apologised for, he knew that, even if Felix felt a grim satisfaction in hearing it. Or maybe that was how he felt; he hadn’t tried unpicking all the feelings yet.

They stood in silence for a few moments. They’d stepped away from the familiar routine and they stood, as if lit by a spotlight, in the centre of the dance floor. Neither of them knew how to proceed. Felix turned to leave. “Felix,” Dimitri said.

“Dimitri?”

“Why do you do it?”

Felix stopped. He took a deep breath, vaguely aware that his fingernails were cutting into his palms. “Because I’m running out of people to protect,” he said. Part of the truth. But maybe it was enough.

Dimitri was very silent, if only for a moment. “Stay a while?” he asked. “Not to work. Not to protect me. Just...as you used to. When we were children.”

Felix snorted. He wanted to. “Sometimes there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed,” he said.

“Felix,” Dimitri said firmly. “Does protecting me have anything to do with your job?” Felix’s silence as he tried to lie without saying something untrue provided enough of an answer, he supposed. “Then the boundary doesn’t exist in the first place. Please, if you want to, just stay.”

So for the first time, Felix crossed the threshold. It wasn’t everything, perhaps, but it was a beginning. A boundary crossed, a barrier shattered. A love all but named. “Goodnight Felix,” came Dimitri’s voice in the darkness.

“Goodnight Dimitri,” he replied, and this time, with their fingers meeting in the middle of the bed, there was no need to turn away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) if you enjoyed, please feel free to leave a comment here or say hi on my twitter @samariumwriting


End file.
